Where are you from?

Where are you from?

I am always stumped by that question. What does it really mean? where was I born? where was I before being here right now? What is my 'ethnicity'? What is my nationality?

Some part of why I am stumped, comes from the fact that I myself do not know where I fit. What label most fits me or who do I talk for when I say 'we'. It also comes from a place where I do not like people to try and place me as an X without really knowing me or wanting to know me.

In India my mother was always asked the question, what is your maiden last name. Our family name did not clearly carry any cast connotation. The query for maiden last name was actually asking which cast/sub-cast she was. I find the question, where are you from, similar to such questions. It is basically asking the question, 'are you of us or that other grouping?' or 'I can hear in your accent or see in your coloring that you are not of us so where can I fit you so that I know who you are.'

I have always liked to be eclectic and the question where are you from forces me to side with one or the other of the many places, people, 'cultures', traditions, schools of thought that I like to associate with, feel comfortable with or take pride in being part of. 

Circles in my life

I am increasingly having problems with managing my connections. I felt it was easier before in 2005 when everybody from India was on Orkut and everybody I met in US was on Facebook. My Indian connections moved from Orkut to Facebook slowly some 2-4 years ago and my Orkut account gets only a trickle of relevant activity. However, even without the move that kind of division would not have worked for me today with the kind of sharing patterns I have.

My efforts at creating google circles was supremely unsuccessful (mostly because of google+ not working for me) so has been making groups on Facebook to selectively share stuff. Some of what I share is geographically related. For example the Africans in India exhibition I recently shared is accessible only to people living in NYC, so are various events at TC, Columbia University or other neighboring institutions. Some of it is more personal, like cute photos of my friends visiting us and celebrating Christmas, opening presents that are not necessarily unworthy to be shared with acquaintances but not particularly necessary to broadcast either.

I created a page on Facebook for my extended family and it has picked up really well. However, there is no way I can include some of the activities of the family I acquired here in US over time like my friend Marcelle and her two boys, my roommate Selen. After my parent's visit to US the task has become much more difficult. Not only do I have two versions of family but some of the members of these two versions know each other well and I would like to share 'stuff' that both will enjoy.

The other side of it is to think about what will people I am related to want me to share. I had not thought about it before. Now that I think about it, I enjoy, actively read everything my sisters, friends in India post in spite of it being absolutely not related to me due to it being locally relevant geographically or local to some conversation I am not party to. Stalking my sisters and friends gives me a feeling that I am part of their lives more than possible given the distance (much of it in time zones).

This long 'thinking out loud' is not about the functionality so much but my inability or I think more of my aversion to define my various relations as to where they fit on the plane of relatedness.